Extraterrestrial Mission Orders

Top Secret:

"Mission:PRIME"
and
Planetary
Mission Assignments

We extraterrestrials are stationed on Earth for only two reasons. Naturally, one is  to comically  “muck things up” behind the scenes, in order to provide entertainment for our loved ones throughout the galaxy.

The other is to advance the goals & objectives of our Mission:Prime; That is, to convert Planet Earth into a profitable, galaxy-class luxury resort.

Of course, to achieve this end-goal, we'll have to determine what to do with the large population of semi-intelligent terrestrials, (numbering some 6,475,510,365)— No easy task! Once we've reached a decision on this, we must then construct concrete plans to implement it. Each of us were assigned one of the four Field Missions to explore this issue when we were originally stationed on Earth.

The web pages that immediately follow are reprints of our Mission:PRIME objectives, as well as  each of the Field Mission assignments. We encourage you to use these resources to refresh yourself on your own mission goals. And, it may interest you to familiarize yourself with the other three assignments, to better relate to the daily challenges facing your fellow intergalactic agents:

Our Goal: Mission:PRIME

Mission 1: "The Show Must Go On"

Mission 2: Humans: Would You Hire Them?

Mission 3: Body Part Harvesting

True, it's a bit off the beaten track. You won't even find it on many star charts!

 But there's no denying Earth's beauty. One simply can't load a celestial body with that much of the wet stuff without a whole lot of lush bounty resulting.

As any school child knows, this region of space had been under Saukoulian control for eons.   During the galactic-wide reign of the powerful Drug/Religious Cartel, The Saukouls operated large-scale poppy farms to "fuel" the insatiable appetite of patrons of their Great Gambling Houses on Titan.  

Years later, they shifted their focus towards feeding an equably  insatiable appetite of the Great Houses—  The lifespan of their service workers tended to be short, so  Earth became the home to the Commonwealth's most intensive (and ruthless) formal training academies for the hospitality and culinary industries.

Even after the fall of their empire, the Saukouls were pretty much left to do what they pleased in this remote region of space. But, given their culture's lack of entrepreneurial flair, Earth remained undeveloped. For a time, it served as little more than a storage facility for their extra stuff. But that had to stop, once the indigenous primate-based life forms advanced enough to start monkeying  around with it.

Much later, of course, came the medical & product research experiments, under the auspices of the late Dr. Josef Mengele. For the better part of an Earth century, Dr. Mengele & his research teams  poked, dissected, probed, & generally terrorized much of  Earth's indigenous population. Nobody really knows why.

About the only reasonable conclusion we can derive from their research is the depth of cruelty, the horrendous evil, that a leash-less Saukoul is capable of. But, then, we already knew that.

After the Brief Saukoul Uprising was quelled, the Commonwealth Great Council toyed with the notion of converting the Earth into a planetary penal colony. Thankfully, the powerful Travel & Leisure Syndicate shut down that ill-considered notion, and managed to push Council Bill #63YUP-hiDDidy50%TransPhat#.1 through the Great Council with minimal bloodshed.

Popularly known as  "Mission: Prime," the legislation laid the groundwork for the establishment of a Galactic Class, Luxury Resort on the planet.