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 Field Missions:
Issued by the "What The Heck Do We Do With The Humans" subcommittee
of the Great Commonwealth Council .

Mission:         The Show Must Go On !
 
 
Humans excel at music, comedy, fiction writing, drama, theater. Is Earthling-produced  entertainment marketable to a galactic-wide audience?

 

Background:                

Call them the idiot sa·vants of the galaxy, if you will. But have no doubt— Humans' limited intellectual, moral, & analytical capacity is contrasted by an extraordinary talent in all forms of entertainment.
 

Commonwealth citizens first encountered human show biz by way of stray, drifting, television and radio broadcasts. These extraordinary morsels were first discovered at the great gambling houses on nearby Titan. Within days, broadcasts featuring Earth's most thrilling radio dramas & top musical talent were being presented nightly at the biggest casinos. Later, holo-terminals in each guest suite offered a dizzying array of drama, comedy and musical variety programming from Earth.
 

The news spread quickly throughout the galaxy, and nothing short of bribery & murder could shake loose a room on
Titan— Especially if Sinatra was "in town." It was generally agreed that, when it came to entertainment, no other species held a candle to humans.
 

What followed, as you’re well aware were the bootlegs, the smuggling, the piracy, the lawsuits. By the end of the savage 2nd Metallica War— And the resulting total annihilation of the Chinapster homeworld— the Great Council had simply had enough. Citing the "Because We Said So— That's Why!" Act as precedence, the Council called a halt to the violence by inexplicably granting all human entertainment licensing rights to the Google Empire.
 

It is assumed that the Google Empire still administers these licensing agreements. All such records and information are stored on the Universaldatabase on GooglePrime— The empire's virtual world, said to exist in an alternate universe they created by collapsing the star Chinapster had - up till then - been happily revolving around.
 

Given the circumstances, the validity of the existence of the database, or of GooglePrime itself, are never questioned.
 

 

ACTION TASK:                    

We won't beat around the bush. You and your team will conduct the most dangerous of the mission objectives we've yet assigned.

We want you to immerse yourself in television, film, music, video games, theater— etc. during your stay on Earth.
 

Given the previously acknowledged superiority of human entertainment product, you may wonder where the danger lies? Recent finding by Gigantic University's School Of Disruptive Studies suggest that human entertainment— particularly the video games— exhibits a mysterious, nearly overwhelming addictive power. Unfortunately, follow up studies have been halted, along with much of the University's operations. Apparently, the sudden, unexpected collapse of a star from a neighboring solar system has the whole place in a tizzy!
 

That in mind, please research and discuss the following:
 

What types of programming would play well to a galactic-wide audience? Inexplicably, Reality Television has proven highly popular with audiences. Can we simply keep a few human metropolitan areas standing, roll film, and broadcast whatever takes place?
 

This would  certainly keep costs down (no sets, no high-salaried celebrities, no writers). But will Reality Television play well to a galaxy-wide audience, or would it seem contrived? And, by doing this, are we not pandering to the lowest common denominator in terms of the audience? Or is there an even lower common denominator we should be shooting for?
 

How do  we transfer music copyright administration from Earth's RIAA to the Google empire? Mission Commander Gore claims that we can simply download this from many popular file sharing sites— But that can't possibly work, can it?

 

Chain of command:           

You will report to Mission Commander: Droopsy The Clown. Little is known of the Commander's background— He was personally assigned to the Earth project by the HighChair of the Great Council. He speaks little of his past, or about anything else, for that matter, and some speculate he's an agent of the ruthless, ultra secretive, Aoli Security Service. Recently, the commander purchased full rights to his trademarked name from the estate of the original Droopsy The Clown. No one really knows why.

Submit your field reports on the Mission: The show Must Go On discussion board on Ufopals.com.  

 

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